The One with the Dodgy Crossover
by A-Sluggish-Memory
Summary: This episode sees Joey star in an off-off-off broadway play, Rachel at her family reunion and Phoebe and Mike stuck in a funeral. Meanwhile, the HIMYM characters begin hanging out in Central Perk while McLarens is under renovation.
1. Part 1

THIS EPISODE IS SET AFTER SEASON 10 OF FRIENDS I DO KNOW FRIENDS AND HIMYM AIRED IN DIFFERENT YEARS BUT LETS NOT GET ALL TECHNICHAL OKAY? :D ALL THE CHARACTERS IN HIMYM ARE FRIENDS, LILY AND MARSHALL ARE MARRIED AND TED AND ROBIN ARE JUST FRIENDS; OKAY, ENOUGH CAPITAL LETTERS, LETS GO!

**The One with the Dodgy Crossover**

_The scene begins in Joey's apartment while Joey and Phoebe are babysitting Emma; Phoebe lying down on the couch with her guitar next to Emma (who is crying) with Joey eating Pizza in his kitchen._

Phoebe- (screaming) For the love of god, make her stop!

Joey- Don't stress Pheebs, when I get sad, I eat, give her some pizza or something?

Phoebe- Joey; you can't give pizza to a baby, she'll choke!

Joey- Just put it in the blender then, just like Mommy used to do.

Phoebe- (annoyed) Joey, that's just—(pauses)—brilliant! Get me some pizza!

Joey- Oooooh, sorry Pheebs, all gone, how about you just sing a song about food, like fruit? Babies like fruit!

Phoebe- (Phoebe picks up her guitar and begins to sing)

_The Fruit shop is a useful store for buying fruit and sometimes more,_

_It was where I held my first robbery…_

Joey- (Looks up from his Pizza stunned)

Phoebe- Err, _something, something Christmas tree!_ (smiles)

(phone rings)

Joey- I'll get it! (picks up phone) Yello? What? Really? Sure! I'll see you tomorrow!

Phoebe- What is it?

Joey- I got a role in an off-off-off Broadway play where I play an evil scientist. You know; the smart type. I gotta tell everyone! (turns around and runs into door)

OPENING THEME

_The Friends and Mike are gathered in Central Perk to hear Joey's news._

Chandler- So what's going on Joe?

Joey- I wanted to get you all together to tell you… I got a part in a new play!

(The friends/Mike look excited and happy for Joey)

Rachel- Nice work Joey, what play Is it?

Joey- Well, it's an off-off-off Broadway production of 'The Smell of Music'.

Monica- Um, Joey, don't you mean The Sound of _Music_?

Joey- No, no, it's a great new take on the original. It's set in the future where robots rule the earth and a cross dressing nun must save the day!

Chandler- Congratulations Joe, you finally find out that you're gay.

Joey- (annoyed) I don't play the nun, I play the scientist!

Phoebe- Ooh a scientist, does he have a cape?

Joey- No! But that would be so cool! Anyway, I want all you guys to come see it tomorrow night!

Mike- Tomorrow? Don't you need, um, practice?

Joey- Usually yes, but for this I can just ad lib, isn't that cool!

Mike- (sighs) Well, uh, that sounds great Joey but Phoebe and I have to go to a funeral.

Rachel- And Ross has to take me to my family reunion.

Chandler- And Monica—(pauses)—damn. Um—

Monica- Are free!

Joey- Aww guys that's great, I'll see you there! (Joey leaves through door)

Chandler- Holy hell, how did you guys think of something so fast? I mean a funeral, what a joke! (starts hysterically laughing)

Mike- Well actually my Great Aunt Katie died.

Chandler- (changes to serious face) Oh, um—(pauses then leaves)

Rachel- Oh I'm so sorry, were you close?

Mike- Kind of, but I'd rather not talk about it. Come on Pheebs, let's get something to eat. (Mike and Phoebe leave)

Ross- So Rach, you started to think about marriage yet?

Rachel- (concerned) Really? So soon? After lesbian, wrong name, Vegas wedding?

Ross- To be fair, one of those was to you. And I did say your name in one of the others…

Rachel- (shouting while drawing attention to customers) Yes Ross, thanks for reminding me, you're lucky I'm not a lesbian! (Rachel storms off)

Ross- (speaking to customers) Um, just to be clear, she is not a lesbian. (crowd continues to stare) Not that there's anything wrong with—aww, forget it! (leaves Central Perk)

(Ted, Robin, Lily, Marshall and Barney enter the Central Perk)

Barney- Why are we drinking in a coffee house? Coffee house babes are usually just 6's, now diner girls…

Ted- Because McLarens is still under renovation; now let's just find a seat.

Lily- Ooh, there's one! (Lily points to the Friends' usual seat and the group walks over to sit down there. The group looks awkward sitting there.)

Robin- Wow. This is literally one of the weirdest moments in my life.

Lily- Look at those cups of coffee Marshmallow, they're huge!

Ted- I don't think any of us could finish 10 of those in a day…

Barney- CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

Ted- No, I…

Barney- Tomorrow I will drink 10 of these huge mugs of coffee and my personality will not be altered!

Lily- Barney, are you sure? That could really have some major consequences!

Robin and Ted- (salutes) Major Consequences!

Lily, Marshall and Barney- Oh god!


	2. Part 2

_This scene begins with Ross sitting on the couch as she gets ready in their apartment. Ross is getting annoyed at Rachel as she is taking too long._

Ross- Rach, you done yet?

Rachel- (annoyed) Just be patient!

Ross- We got to go, it starts in 15 minutes!

Rachel- Got to go where Ross? The chapel?

Ross- (frustrated) Rach, get over it, excuse me if I want to talk about our future!

Rachel- (sarcastic) Oh I'm sorry Ross, please forgive me. I'm sure your 4th marriage will go fine!

_A knock is heard from the door and Phoebe and Mike come in._

Ross- Come in—

Phoebe- We're in. Where's Emma? (Looks around room) WHERE IS EMMA? FOR GOD'S SAKE ROSS YOU LOST EMMA! (Cries)

Ross- Emma is with my parents. (looks at Phoebe) Um, Pheebs, are you drunk?

Phoebe- Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Mike- (whispering to Ross) She's a little drunk. Apparently a nice man in a coat offered her a drink and of course she's too nice to say no.

Ross- Ah.

Rachel- Ok Ross I'm—

Phoebe- Look its Rachel! It's Rachel, it's Rachel, it's Rachel! Let's play hide and seek!

Rachel- Well, hiya Pheebs, I would love to play but me and Ross are just leaving.

_Rachel grabs Ross' arm and drags him to the door while talking._

Rachel- Drunk?

Ross- (quickly) Yeah.

_Ross and Rachel exit through the door and the scene changes to Central Perk. Ted and Robin are sitting in the 'Friends' seat and Barney is at the counter._

Barney- That's six coffees! Hi-five! (Offers Hi-five to Gunther and he reluctantly accepts) Another one please!

Ted- Wow, Barney's really doing this coffee thing, huh?

Robin- Yeah… he's fine.

Ted- I guess… where's Lily and Marshall?

Robin- Lily's dragging Marshall to this off-off-off Broadway play, apparently her college roommate is in it or something.

Ted- Poor Marshall…

_Rachel comes in to Central Perk still talking to Ross who is outside._

Rachel- Ross! I just need to get a coffee, just wait!

_Barney notices Rachel as she gets her coffee, she then leaves the Central Perk._

Barney- Guys! Did you just see that? That must have been a solid nine at least, I got to find her!

Ted- Barney, no. The coffee's just making to feel a bit more energetic because of the caffeine, which is simulating your senses—

Robin- And your lust for sex.

Barney- Ted, maybe you're right… (Sprints out of Central Perk)

_Scene changes to see Joey backstage at his play putting on his costume._

Stagehand- Three minutes to dress rehearsal Joey.

Joey- Okay, just a second.

Stagehand- Hey, Joey, what you doin'?

Joey- I'm putting on my costume!

Stagehand- Didn't they tell you, Rick is out sick tonight, you're playing the nun! Here's your costume! (Stagehand hands Joey his costume of a nun's outfit, black wig and tights)

Joey- (Joey looks shocked and angry) What!

_Scene changes to Mike and Phoebe (who is still drunk) in the car with Mike driving and Phoebe in the passenger seat. The car is Phoebe's grandmother's taxi but it is now rusty and old. The roof of the car is gone and the windscreen is broken off._

Mike- Okay, Phoebe, let's go over this one more time.

Phoebe- Sir, yes sir! (Falls asleep)

Mike- Phoebe! (Phoebe wakes up) Okay, um, let's make this into a game, if you understand me just say true, if not, say false.

Phoebe- TRUE!

Mike- Okay that's good. Now—

Phoebe- TRUE!

Mike- (sighs) Your name is Phoebe Buffay and you're my wife.

Phoebe- TRUE!

Mike- "You look great tonight Phoebe…"

Phoebe- Oh that's true, defiantly TRUE!

Mike- And you say, 'so do you Mike!'

Phoebe- FALSE!

Mike- (sighs)

_The car is about to hit a branch from a tree on the side of the road._

Mike- Oh crap Phoebe, duck!

Phoebe- GOOSE!

_Mike ducks and dodges the branch but it hits Phoebe and knocks her out as well as giving her a big gash across her face._


	3. Part 3

_Scene begins with Mike and Phoebe still in the car with Mike hovering over Phoebe as she begins to gain consciousness. _

Mike- (shaking phoebe) Pheebs… Phoebe!

Phoebe- (mumbles something) Mike?

Mike- Yes, Phoebe, its Mike!

Phoebe- Do—do I win?

Mike- Um, yes, Phoebe, you win…

Phoebe- (laughs) Yay! Now that I'm up! Let's go to the swankiest bar in town! Wooooooooooo!

Mike- Phoebe, we're going to my Great Aunt's Funeral.

Phoebe- Is it an open bar?

Mike- I think so…

Phoebe- (quickly) Let's go then! Wooooooooooooo!

_The car starts up again and they begin to travel to the funeral as the scene changes to Ross and Rachel arriving at her father's home. The two are standing at the front door, waiting for someone to answer it after they had rung the bell._

Rachel- Ross! You can't just bring up marriage so soon in a relationship, especially for you!

Ross- Okay, I admit I may have had a few minor setbacks in the world of marriage but…

Rachel- Minor? You've nearly had as many failed marriage as Elizabeth Taylor!

Ross- COME ON RACHEL, YOU'VE GOT TO UNDERSTAND THAT…

_Rachel's father opens the door to greet the couple._

Ross- (without thinking) Daddy!

Dr Green- Ah Ross… you're still around are you, alright, come on in.

_Ross walks inside and waits for Rachel._

Dr Green- Rachel! My favourite daughter, come in!

_Rachel hugs her father._

Rachel- Daddy! (hopeful) Is Mom here?

Dr Green- No Rachel, this is a _Green_ reunion, she wasn't invited.

Rachel- Okay then, I see. Let's go inside…

_Rachel grabs Ross' arm as they walk down the hallway._

Rachel- OKAY! No fighting tonight Ross, I am not in the mood, it's bad enough not having my own mother here! Just let me do the talking!

Ross- Fine, fine. You do the talking, got it! I just want to say—

Rachel- Uh! Stop! Not a word…

Ross- But I—

Rachel! Shh!

_Ross shuts up but looks annoyed. The scene changes to the front of the church where Mike's Great Aunt is. Robin is currently reporting from the church._

Robin- And that is why today is such an important day, for all involved in the beer industry. Katie Rose Vanderkieft was a pioneer in the beer bottling industry and will surely be missed. In only a matter of minutes, the funeral service will be beginning and she will be farewelled. But for now, we're just going to bottle up this story for good. This is Robin Scherbatsky, reporting for Metro News 1, thank you.

_Robin begins to pack up her things as she sees Barney running down the street._

Barney- (fast talking) Robin, I need a little favour off you. Can you just, like, send a broadcast out looking for the hot coffee house girl, I really need her phone number it's super important, please, please, please!

Robin- Barney, I think you've had a bit too much coffee…

Barney- (fast talking) No I haven't, coffee doesn't affect me, and I'm invincible!

_Mike and Phoebe pull up near the church with Phoebe still wooing._

Barney- (fast talking) Robin, cancel that broadcast, I have found a woo girl! (laughs)

_Scene changes to Joey backstage at his performance in his costume with only Lily, Marshall and a sleeping homeless guy in the audience._

Stage hand- Joey, you're on!

Joey- But my friends aren't here yet!

Stage hand- Too bad Mr Tribiani, the show must go on! (pushes Joey on stage)

Joey (looking nervous) Um, er, how are we tonight?

Lily- Good!

_Marshall looks at Lily with confusion._

Lily- (whispering) I'm just joining in. Sarah said it's always nice when the audience joins in.

Joey- Um, the-hills-are-alive-with the smell of… um-pizza!

_Lily's friend walks on stage dressed as a goat._

Lily- Ooh, there she is! Go Sarah!

Sarah- (makes goat noises)

_Joey looks sad until he sees Monica and Chandler sneak into the back._

Joey- (gasps) Hi guys! (waves) Oh, wait, sorry…

_Chandler sighs and tilts his head back._

Joey- Boris! Boris! Where out thou Boris?

_An extremely old man hobbles on stage with a pie._

Joey- My pie! Thankyou Boris, give it to me!

Boris- No…

Joey- Well I must take it from you (looks to the audience) by force!

_Joey dances around Boris then pushes him over._

_Joey- Ha! (spits of Boris)_

_Sarah- Ba! Come on Boris, let's go!_

_Chandler tilts his head sideways in confusion as Sarah tries to help Boris up._

Sarah- Come on Boris! (shakes Boris) Boris?

Lily- Uh oh…


End file.
